Wanting to go with them

I remember a few autumns ago how I longed to fly off with the geese making their way south. It was not so much the want to be a bird, but the desire to be such a part of nature that I was moved by her gentle urgings ...no second thoughts ...acting on instinct only. I felt apart from that oneness and it took me awhile to see that I do indeed have instinctual reactions to mothers urgings in my menses, in my body's reaction to sunlight,warmth,cold etc. I don't know why I looked outside myself for this. I went from being to observing which made "two" and here I am trying to keep my eye single. I remember wanting so much to explain this feeling to a friend, my desire to wing with the geese, I was open and raw and he understood...he understood. I really want to not need external validations of my sanity, my goodness, my value. We are all mirrors upon mirrors upoin mirrors for one another and my want is not to want but to just "be" and know that all are one and that we are God trying to understand ourself. Did God create the mirror upon which she first observed? saw herself as two? I wonder.